Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
