ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
