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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
