ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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