smell my finger.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
