What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Your cock deserves a montage
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Randomize
