I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Naked. naked and bneed help.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
