Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
