Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
