I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize
