You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
