Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
