She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
