Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
