Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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