Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
