Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Having a random hookup so left but love u
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
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