the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
