he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
