matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
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