we made out on top of his cat.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
