i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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