The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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