So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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