I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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