SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
