Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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