I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
