I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
