Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize