Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize