you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
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