Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
