my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Randomize
