I love black thongs
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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