I think i peed on brittanys purse
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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