i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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