so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
