If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
