When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
