Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
We're too hungover to prance.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
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