We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
You need Xanax blowdarts
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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