i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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