She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
