guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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