My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
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