I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
