I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize