The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
