there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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