sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Just high enough for therapy.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
