i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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