theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
