my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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