In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
