Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
