dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
i love accidental penises.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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