it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
