I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Randomize
