I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Randomize
