You really coming over, don't trick.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Your cock deserves a montage
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
