made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
