apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
