Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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