You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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