I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Randomize
