brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
