Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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