YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
