why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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