Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
