college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
