If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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